Resipiscence

What I said:
"You're still worrying about something I stopped thinking about."
What I meant:
"You know that conversation we had about five minutes ago about housing? Why are you still talking about it?"
What Mom heard:
"I have seen the error of my rebellious ways and I've decided I'm not gay anymore! PRAISE DA LORD!"

What I said:
"I prefer living alone to living at home. Not that I don't love my family and all, I just like being on my own."
What I meant:
"I like living on my own and want to become independent."
What Mom heard:
"I hate you and my family and my home and I wish you would all die horrible agonizing deaths and leave me alone."

What I said:
"I'll call about that speeding ticket.
What I meant:
"I'll call once I finish doing what I'm doing."
What Mom heard:
"I'm never going to call unless you remind me every five minutes that I need to. My expressions of annoyance and 'I'm going to!' are affirmations that you should continue to do so."

What I said:
"Can you schedule me a haircut?"
What I meant:
"I want to have shorter hair."
What Mom heard:
"I'd like a cute bouncy preppy haircut and those blue streaks are gone, too!"

What I said:
"I don't think I'll be joining a Presbyterian church in Avalon. If I can't find a church I really like, I'd rather just not go at all. The point of church is finding a community, not fulfilling your God quota for the week."
What I meant:
"I'm not interested in doing the church thing at the moment."
What Mom heard:
"I hate church and God and if you don't do your best to make me into a Nice Christian Girl again I'm going to start practicing witchcraft."

Three weeks. Please, God, grant me sanity.

Labels: family