January 08, 2004
three days
Yesterday sucked a whole lot. Not so much in the beginning, although slicing off a chunk of my thumb on the bottom of the table in the cafeteria (don't ask me how I did that, I still don't know) wasn't too fun. Mostly towards the end, when Hans came by.
Backstory: Hans was/is still very much in love with his ex-girlfriend. He more or less considered her his soulmate. Before he got to school they had somewhat downgraded to "just friends," mostly at her behest. Then I came along, stuff happened, you know the story there. Before we really started anything, though, both of us agreed that this would not be anything leading to forever, and secondly, that we would remain friends after said eventual breakup. This didn't bother me, since I'm not looking for permanent partnership of the male variety.
Last night, his ex called Hans and told him that she didn't want to be friends anymore. The gist of it, as I understand it, is that she felt as if she had been used by him in some way, felt "cheap and worthless," and didn't want to have anything to do with him any more. That was pretty much ripping Hans's heart out of his chest and putting it through a meat grinder. He considers her the best, most valuable thing in his life. If there's a better way to hurt him I can't think of it.
So somewhere along the way he asked me if we could just be friends again. I understand that. I can deal with that. I knew that before I started this. That doesn't exactly explain why about three hours later I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. And just to make the irony final, I went to Hans's room to try to comfort him and he ended up holding me until about three-thirty in the morning.
Like I said, I didn't expect this to last forever. I really didn't even expect it to last very long. But I kind of thought I'd get more than three days.
What was it with this relationship and the number three?
And just to piss me off, when I got back to my room I flicked on the bathroom light to take out my contacts and blew the fuse in the room so that nothing electronic worked until this morning.
Today was... well, after sleeping for about four hours, waking up, crying for two more hours, and then going back to sleep for another four hours, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I couldn't tell since there were no lights in the bathroom, but I think I looked the part too. At last check I looked like I had smeared ink under my eyes. But I started feeling a little better after I got some breakfast and went to get my parking permit. I talked a bit to Clarissa, too, which helped.
I think I'll survive. At least I got some time, you know. And at least I still have my friend. I've felt better, but then again I've felt a lot worse too.
Backstory: Hans was/is still very much in love with his ex-girlfriend. He more or less considered her his soulmate. Before he got to school they had somewhat downgraded to "just friends," mostly at her behest. Then I came along, stuff happened, you know the story there. Before we really started anything, though, both of us agreed that this would not be anything leading to forever, and secondly, that we would remain friends after said eventual breakup. This didn't bother me, since I'm not looking for permanent partnership of the male variety.
Last night, his ex called Hans and told him that she didn't want to be friends anymore. The gist of it, as I understand it, is that she felt as if she had been used by him in some way, felt "cheap and worthless," and didn't want to have anything to do with him any more. That was pretty much ripping Hans's heart out of his chest and putting it through a meat grinder. He considers her the best, most valuable thing in his life. If there's a better way to hurt him I can't think of it.
So somewhere along the way he asked me if we could just be friends again. I understand that. I can deal with that. I knew that before I started this. That doesn't exactly explain why about three hours later I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. And just to make the irony final, I went to Hans's room to try to comfort him and he ended up holding me until about three-thirty in the morning.
Like I said, I didn't expect this to last forever. I really didn't even expect it to last very long. But I kind of thought I'd get more than three days.
What was it with this relationship and the number three?
And just to piss me off, when I got back to my room I flicked on the bathroom light to take out my contacts and blew the fuse in the room so that nothing electronic worked until this morning.
Today was... well, after sleeping for about four hours, waking up, crying for two more hours, and then going back to sleep for another four hours, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I couldn't tell since there were no lights in the bathroom, but I think I looked the part too. At last check I looked like I had smeared ink under my eyes. But I started feeling a little better after I got some breakfast and went to get my parking permit. I talked a bit to Clarissa, too, which helped.
I think I'll survive. At least I got some time, you know. And at least I still have my friend. I've felt better, but then again I've felt a lot worse too.
# posted by Liadan @ 5:47 PM 
