December 09, 2003
tangled up in blue
I'm in love. Hard-core.
And the funny thing is that I'm not really all that confused about it at all. I was at first, because of the whole orientation thing. Spent a lot of time mentally going, "But... he's a... and I'm a... and... and... waaaaah!" But hey. It's my considered opinion that human sexuality is more fluid that a lot of people want to give it credit for. I like women-- and Hans. And I'm comfortable with that conclusion.
Speaking of which, I'm not telling my mother anything. I don't particularly feel like completely confusing her over what is most likely a blip on the orientation meter. She'll see this as confirmation that I "just needed the right guy." Ironically, a lot of this really cemented for me the fact that I am, for the most part, merely "homoflexible" as opposed to more overtly bisexual.
And frankly, I lost a lot of trust in her given past events. I still love my mother. I probably love her more. But I don't entirely trust her any more. I think a lot of that can be chalked up to general growing up and away, as well, and the declosetation was a focus point for a lot of other issues that would have come up on their own anyway.
Hans and I both find it amusing that we're an item six months after my coming out. We fully intend on messing with a lot of peoples' heads when we get back to school since hey, it's funny.
Hans's had his own set of problems to deal with about the whole matter. Some of it pertains to the friendship angle; part of the reason we make such a good pair is that we're first and foremost friends. It's already been established that even in the event of a really bad breakup, we'd still be good friends afterwards. Another thing that crops up a lot is his old girlfriend, whom he still cares for in some way. We both pretty much have baggage sitting around.
I'm still getting used to saying "we." Us. Hans and me. It feels entirely natural and yet utterly strange at the same time.
I really can't get used to "I love you." I don't want to get used to it. Every time he says it, over the phone, even in the IM, I have to close my eyes and let it settle on me for a minute. I go to sleep now smiling like an idiot because there's someone out there who feels the same way about me.
I can see how this could be addictive.
And the funny thing is that I'm not really all that confused about it at all. I was at first, because of the whole orientation thing. Spent a lot of time mentally going, "But... he's a... and I'm a... and... and... waaaaah!" But hey. It's my considered opinion that human sexuality is more fluid that a lot of people want to give it credit for. I like women-- and Hans. And I'm comfortable with that conclusion.
Speaking of which, I'm not telling my mother anything. I don't particularly feel like completely confusing her over what is most likely a blip on the orientation meter. She'll see this as confirmation that I "just needed the right guy." Ironically, a lot of this really cemented for me the fact that I am, for the most part, merely "homoflexible" as opposed to more overtly bisexual.
And frankly, I lost a lot of trust in her given past events. I still love my mother. I probably love her more. But I don't entirely trust her any more. I think a lot of that can be chalked up to general growing up and away, as well, and the declosetation was a focus point for a lot of other issues that would have come up on their own anyway.
Hans and I both find it amusing that we're an item six months after my coming out. We fully intend on messing with a lot of peoples' heads when we get back to school since hey, it's funny.
Hans's had his own set of problems to deal with about the whole matter. Some of it pertains to the friendship angle; part of the reason we make such a good pair is that we're first and foremost friends. It's already been established that even in the event of a really bad breakup, we'd still be good friends afterwards. Another thing that crops up a lot is his old girlfriend, whom he still cares for in some way. We both pretty much have baggage sitting around.
I'm still getting used to saying "we." Us. Hans and me. It feels entirely natural and yet utterly strange at the same time.
I really can't get used to "I love you." I don't want to get used to it. Every time he says it, over the phone, even in the IM, I have to close my eyes and let it settle on me for a minute. I go to sleep now smiling like an idiot because there's someone out there who feels the same way about me.
I can see how this could be addictive.
Labels: friends, love/sex, Teh Gay
# posted by Liadan @ 10:18 PM 
