August 14, 2003
so much and so little
I really haven't had much to journal about lately. Nothing is really happening.
On the home front, I've been making an effort to completely avoid the subject of sexuality at all costs. It's become the proverbial elephant in the room. I just... don't want to rehash the issues over and over and over. It's basically pointless, since we never get anywhere with it.
I wonder what I'll have to do should I meet someone I'd like to date in college. I really hate the idea of hiding a relationship from my parents, but I dislike even more the thought of taking a vow of emotional celibacy for four years just because I don't want to lose college funding. And that's the sticking point, since my parents "will not financially support me if I choose that lifestyle."
And what wonderful timing for the Episcopalians to do their little song and dance about the out gay bishop, making sure there's always some traditionalist on the news or in the papers or on various websites blabbering on about Christianity versus Homosexuality and Everything Else Wrong With Society Today.
I'm getting tired of it.
I get so damn sick of hearing straight male religious bigwigs ponderously expound upon The Gay Question. Or The Homosexuality Issue. Or some other title that makes it seem all nice and nonthreateningly theoretical, rather than something that involves real people with real lives.
That's how it seems most Christians (or at least most conservative ones) deal with it. Homosexuality is just some distant conundrum they scratch their heads over once in a while and then promptly forget about. It's not something they worry about, really, it's comparatively minor. The ones that don't just dismiss it as a degenerate "lifestyle" dismiss it as "just another sin." Or, y'know, maybe we should think about showing some tolerance of gay people, just so long as they know their sin is hated. Whatever. When does Survivor come on?
It's angering, to be honest, to have something so major a part of my life be so casually batted around. I don't think straight Christians realize how much easier they have it. They don't have to think about whether this church will accept them wholeheartedly, or if maybe a tepid tolerance is all they can really hope for, should they be honest about who they are.
And the questions they miss out on. Have I somehow wished this on myself, did I reject God without realizing it? If I believe that it's not a sin, am I rationalizing my perversion away because it's easier? Did I really try hard enough to change?
If it's a sin, what kind of God would give someone a desire for love and partnership that can't be fulfilled? Don't give me that tired line about everyone's cross. Even as introverted as I am, I can tell that I'm not set up for celibacy, and I'm certainly not set up for hetero marriage. Leaving me with the nice, safe, tradition-approved option of unrelieved lifelong loneliness and frustration. Don't talk to me about burdens until you've had time to think about that for a while.
Rrrg. I don't understand how they can forget about the issue altogether.
Or maybe I'm just jealous that they can.
On the home front, I've been making an effort to completely avoid the subject of sexuality at all costs. It's become the proverbial elephant in the room. I just... don't want to rehash the issues over and over and over. It's basically pointless, since we never get anywhere with it.
I wonder what I'll have to do should I meet someone I'd like to date in college. I really hate the idea of hiding a relationship from my parents, but I dislike even more the thought of taking a vow of emotional celibacy for four years just because I don't want to lose college funding. And that's the sticking point, since my parents "will not financially support me if I choose that lifestyle."
And what wonderful timing for the Episcopalians to do their little song and dance about the out gay bishop, making sure there's always some traditionalist on the news or in the papers or on various websites blabbering on about Christianity versus Homosexuality and Everything Else Wrong With Society Today.
I'm getting tired of it.
I get so damn sick of hearing straight male religious bigwigs ponderously expound upon The Gay Question. Or The Homosexuality Issue. Or some other title that makes it seem all nice and nonthreateningly theoretical, rather than something that involves real people with real lives.
That's how it seems most Christians (or at least most conservative ones) deal with it. Homosexuality is just some distant conundrum they scratch their heads over once in a while and then promptly forget about. It's not something they worry about, really, it's comparatively minor. The ones that don't just dismiss it as a degenerate "lifestyle" dismiss it as "just another sin." Or, y'know, maybe we should think about showing some tolerance of gay people, just so long as they know their sin is hated. Whatever. When does Survivor come on?
It's angering, to be honest, to have something so major a part of my life be so casually batted around. I don't think straight Christians realize how much easier they have it. They don't have to think about whether this church will accept them wholeheartedly, or if maybe a tepid tolerance is all they can really hope for, should they be honest about who they are.
And the questions they miss out on. Have I somehow wished this on myself, did I reject God without realizing it? If I believe that it's not a sin, am I rationalizing my perversion away because it's easier? Did I really try hard enough to change?
If it's a sin, what kind of God would give someone a desire for love and partnership that can't be fulfilled? Don't give me that tired line about everyone's cross. Even as introverted as I am, I can tell that I'm not set up for celibacy, and I'm certainly not set up for hetero marriage. Leaving me with the nice, safe, tradition-approved option of unrelieved lifelong loneliness and frustration. Don't talk to me about burdens until you've had time to think about that for a while.
Rrrg. I don't understand how they can forget about the issue altogether.
Or maybe I'm just jealous that they can.
Labels: family, religion, Teh Gay
# posted by Liadan @ 10:04 PM 
