July 16, 2003
the lowdown
Okay, now that I'm allowed a bit of Net time, here's what's going on.
My theory was slightly off-base; it was my older sister. Dymphna saw my start page, which had links to several sites, including Christian Lesbians, while using my computer. She was concerned and told my mother, who confronted me with the evidence and asked me why it was on my page. I told her that it was because I am both Christian and gay.
No, I'm not using bisexual any more; I've been realizing lately that "gay" really more accurate describes where I am and what I want. I could go into more detail about why that is, but that'll have to wait. I'm still kind of eyeing the specific word lesbian just because of its particular connotations. I'm working with it.
I talked to Dymphna as well, and I'm convinced that she didn't out me out of malice or a desire to ruin my life. We may not like each other most of the time, but she did it because she was worried about me, and I can at least understand that.
My mom was... erm... not thrilled. She is blaming my "choice of path" on a variety of things, including my long history of depression, the general hormonal turbulence of adolescence, my apparently confusion over my own gender identity (because I'm a big ol' tomboy), my youth and inexperience in matters romantic and otherwise, et cetera. My dad is taking it a bit better; he was more worried when we talked about my history of depression. As of yet, we've been to a psychiatrist, and I'm starting on Zoloft and doing things with my sleep schedule for the depression, which I can honestly say should have been done long ago. We're basically dealing with the homosexuality issue itself as we go along.
My mom's main conflict is religious, as I kind of expected; her oft-repeated comment is "Some things are black and white, and homosexuality is one of them, and it's just wrong." She told me to read Romans 1:18-32, and didn't want to hear about what I had read about it regarding historical context and differing interpretations. She knows I have the information (from doing the Gay Report so long ago) and I suppose we'll go through that when she's ready. Right now she's still crying and bringing up the issue at odd moments, constantly trying out new theories as to "what caused this" and why I don't really know that I'm gay, and so on.
... I'll say that I personally wouldn't have picked now to be outed to my parents, especially since they're iffy about sending me off to school now, but I'm at least glad that everything is out in the open now. I am glad to say, though, that it's clear to everyone involved that we all love each other no matter what and no one's going anywhere regardless of paths taken or decisions made or opinions changed or whatever.
Sigismund and Aelgifu aren't aware of the issue; I'm sure they've noticed something happening but they don't know what it is. Ignatius, being a smart kid, has probably figured at least some of it out. The rest of the family, friends, etc. apparently have no idea, although they obviously will have to be apprised of this new development at some point.
So... that's about the dimensions of it, and I'll try to write as much as I can when I can. Prayer would be appreciated, especially for my mom. Love you all.
My theory was slightly off-base; it was my older sister. Dymphna saw my start page, which had links to several sites, including Christian Lesbians, while using my computer. She was concerned and told my mother, who confronted me with the evidence and asked me why it was on my page. I told her that it was because I am both Christian and gay.
No, I'm not using bisexual any more; I've been realizing lately that "gay" really more accurate describes where I am and what I want. I could go into more detail about why that is, but that'll have to wait. I'm still kind of eyeing the specific word lesbian just because of its particular connotations. I'm working with it.
I talked to Dymphna as well, and I'm convinced that she didn't out me out of malice or a desire to ruin my life. We may not like each other most of the time, but she did it because she was worried about me, and I can at least understand that.
My mom was... erm... not thrilled. She is blaming my "choice of path" on a variety of things, including my long history of depression, the general hormonal turbulence of adolescence, my apparently confusion over my own gender identity (because I'm a big ol' tomboy), my youth and inexperience in matters romantic and otherwise, et cetera. My dad is taking it a bit better; he was more worried when we talked about my history of depression. As of yet, we've been to a psychiatrist, and I'm starting on Zoloft and doing things with my sleep schedule for the depression, which I can honestly say should have been done long ago. We're basically dealing with the homosexuality issue itself as we go along.
My mom's main conflict is religious, as I kind of expected; her oft-repeated comment is "Some things are black and white, and homosexuality is one of them, and it's just wrong." She told me to read Romans 1:18-32, and didn't want to hear about what I had read about it regarding historical context and differing interpretations. She knows I have the information (from doing the Gay Report so long ago) and I suppose we'll go through that when she's ready. Right now she's still crying and bringing up the issue at odd moments, constantly trying out new theories as to "what caused this" and why I don't really know that I'm gay, and so on.
... I'll say that I personally wouldn't have picked now to be outed to my parents, especially since they're iffy about sending me off to school now, but I'm at least glad that everything is out in the open now. I am glad to say, though, that it's clear to everyone involved that we all love each other no matter what and no one's going anywhere regardless of paths taken or decisions made or opinions changed or whatever.
Sigismund and Aelgifu aren't aware of the issue; I'm sure they've noticed something happening but they don't know what it is. Ignatius, being a smart kid, has probably figured at least some of it out. The rest of the family, friends, etc. apparently have no idea, although they obviously will have to be apprised of this new development at some point.
So... that's about the dimensions of it, and I'll try to write as much as I can when I can. Prayer would be appreciated, especially for my mom. Love you all.
# posted by Liadan @ 6:09 PM 
