January 09, 2003
christian diarists
I was just looking through some online journals I usually read, and I noticed one thing: that people who self-identify as "Christians" in their journals usually talk a lot about God, Jesus, the Lord, etc. (They also usually have Boundless linked, which I have come to dislike, but that's another entry.)
I almost never talk about my spiritual walk in my journal. In fact, I hate the term. It reminds me of that poem Footprints, which might seem kinda "Oh, that's a pretty good idea" on the first reading, but tends to grow more and more simplistic with every subsequent reading, and since a bazillion get-well-soon cards, inspirational posters, and other assorted Jesus Junk has that poem on there, it's REAL easy to get tired of it. If I could find a better word to describe the process of living out my faith, I would use it, but I haven't, and once I did, it would doubtless be turned into a cliché itself if it ever caught on.
Anyone ever think that the Apostles ever sat around pontificating on their spiritual walk with Jesus? Well, probably not, since they *physically* walked with him. Bad example. Okay, let's say Augustine, Julian of Norwich, Catherine of Siena, Mother Teresa, etc.
Somehow, I doubt any of them sat around conversing with their group of Christian friends in fluent Christianese, about how they were "feeling so close to God right now" and how God was "doing such great things in their lives" and such.
In fact, the vast majority of Christian diarists I've read make me feel like a complete spiritual screwup. They'll journal things like "Wow, I have been just FEELIN' the Presence of the Spirit lately, I love God SOOOO much, praise Him, hallelujah." I've found that you can usually identify these journals because they capitalize each and every pronoun and article referring to God. I always forget to do that. Then they go on to discuss how getting all green lights on the way to church is a sign that God is pleased with them for going to worship. And how great the Christian rock concert was, and how they had such a great time praising God.
Meanwhile, BadChristian!Liadan sits at her desk and types something about her day that she feels was on some level meaningful without once referencing Philippians.
If I don't constantly feel like Jesus is walking right beside me holding my hand and suchlike, does that make me a complete failure as a Christian? Do depressive episodes during stressful times mean that I'm obviously not relying enough on God, so I'm a Bad Christian? What if I make decisions without thinking "WWJD?" Make fun of "accepted" Christian publications that just so happen to be banal and narrowminded? Swear, because those happen to be the right words to describe something?
If I think an article from some teenage-aimed Focus on the Family magazine mill is bull, I want to be able to say so without having to give up my Christian Nametag. And say stuff like "Actually, I think life really sucks right now, and I'm not very happy with God." You never see that. It's only the happy-go-lucky praise-the-Lord stuff. Not where-are-you-God stuff.
I want Christian realism, dammit.
I almost never talk about my spiritual walk in my journal. In fact, I hate the term. It reminds me of that poem Footprints, which might seem kinda "Oh, that's a pretty good idea" on the first reading, but tends to grow more and more simplistic with every subsequent reading, and since a bazillion get-well-soon cards, inspirational posters, and other assorted Jesus Junk has that poem on there, it's REAL easy to get tired of it. If I could find a better word to describe the process of living out my faith, I would use it, but I haven't, and once I did, it would doubtless be turned into a cliché itself if it ever caught on.
Anyone ever think that the Apostles ever sat around pontificating on their spiritual walk with Jesus? Well, probably not, since they *physically* walked with him. Bad example. Okay, let's say Augustine, Julian of Norwich, Catherine of Siena, Mother Teresa, etc.
Somehow, I doubt any of them sat around conversing with their group of Christian friends in fluent Christianese, about how they were "feeling so close to God right now" and how God was "doing such great things in their lives" and such.
In fact, the vast majority of Christian diarists I've read make me feel like a complete spiritual screwup. They'll journal things like "Wow, I have been just FEELIN' the Presence of the Spirit lately, I love God SOOOO much, praise Him, hallelujah." I've found that you can usually identify these journals because they capitalize each and every pronoun and article referring to God. I always forget to do that. Then they go on to discuss how getting all green lights on the way to church is a sign that God is pleased with them for going to worship. And how great the Christian rock concert was, and how they had such a great time praising God.
Meanwhile, BadChristian!Liadan sits at her desk and types something about her day that she feels was on some level meaningful without once referencing Philippians.
If I don't constantly feel like Jesus is walking right beside me holding my hand and suchlike, does that make me a complete failure as a Christian? Do depressive episodes during stressful times mean that I'm obviously not relying enough on God, so I'm a Bad Christian? What if I make decisions without thinking "WWJD?" Make fun of "accepted" Christian publications that just so happen to be banal and narrowminded? Swear, because those happen to be the right words to describe something?
If I think an article from some teenage-aimed Focus on the Family magazine mill is bull, I want to be able to say so without having to give up my Christian Nametag. And say stuff like "Actually, I think life really sucks right now, and I'm not very happy with God." You never see that. It's only the happy-go-lucky praise-the-Lord stuff. Not where-are-you-God stuff.
I want Christian realism, dammit.
# posted by Liadan @ 10:44 PM 
